Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

House of Sabre-Tooth Death, San Luis Obispo (1999-2000)

 
Terry: Don't make me crush your ego. [link]
 
Matt: I'll call you a little bitch no matter what you have on your wall. [link]
 
Terry: There's a new API for Windows: Active Blue Screen. [link]
D'Agosta: Download your Active BS now!  
 
D'Agosta: They come up from north and destroy everything and we run away. [link]
Fred: Sounds like Poly Royale.  
 
Matt: Hey Mike, there's an ant in your teacup. [link]
D'Agosta: That's okay, he won't drink much.  
 
D'Agosta: The only thing girls have on us is multiple orgasms and free dinner. [link]
 
(Name Withheld): That'd be great -- puking down Jenn Graham's cleavage. [link]
 
Col 3:8: But now is the time to get rid of dirty language. [link]
Matt: Damn it!  
 
Kevin S.: Jeans are like napkins you wear. [link]
 
Terry: rm -rf /brain/databases [link]
 
Terry: Alternate description of TCP three-way handshake:
Client: What's up, B?
Server: Watchin' the game, havin' a Bud.
Client: 1, 1.
[link]
 
Terry: You don't want to sound like a whiny bitch. [link]
Matt: But I *aaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmm!*  
 
Matt: I wish they wouldn't be so cheap and provide me with nicer bowls to steal. [link]
 
Kevin S.: Bob Mathews looks at a Ritz and goes, 'Mmmm... Fibonacci sequence.' [link]
 
Terry: He's almost like a bitch - he has a shoe for every occasion. [link]
 
Dwyer: Firestone Double Barrel Ale - it slaps your taste buds around. [link]
 
Terry: It's mindblowing to think how hard he's going to fuck us. [link]
Kevin S.: Yeah. I think I'll wear my prom dress just to get in the mood. Maybe shave my legs.  
 
Sean: It's amazing what you learn after a few beers. [link]
 
Terry: Every time I blow my nose it's a rainbow of fruit flavors. [link]
 
Sean: She's on autobitch.... You know, like autopilot. [link]
 
Matt: Yeah, going to a rave is like curling up with a good book. [link]
 
Devina: I can't sleep without you, Terry. [link]
Terry: You can't sleep *with* me, either.  
 
Devina: No unplugging any more body parts. [link]

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