Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Summer 2004

Greg: (to drilsej) If I spent years up your ass, I'd be crying too. [link]
Eric B.: How do you get a 64-bit integer in C? Is it "long long"? [link]
Terry: Yeah, I think so. GCC can't handle "long long long," so if anything's going to do it it's "long long."  
Eric B.: That's good, because my dick's the only thing that's "long long long."  
Sally: You want placenta with that? [link]
(Name Withheld): If it wasn't for Oedipus I'd never get laid. [link]
Devina: ...And you're being snappish. --Wait, is "snappish" even a word? [link]
Terry: No, it's not a word, it's an adjective.  
Devina: So adjectives aren't words?  
Nolandda: What's cute about whales? They ejaculate water from the top of their heads. I mean, it's cool when girls squirt, but.... [link]
(Name Withheld): Bowel emergency must run. [link]
Brad: Heh, hour of power on the toilet  
(Name Withheld): Like 10 seconds. I'll probably achieve liftoff though. Every action has an equal....  
Brad: Thank you, Werner von Colon.  
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: Is that a penis or a bulldozer they shoved in my anus? [link]
Terry: Especially when you're talking about someone that does not, has never, and will never exist. [link]
Sally: ...I wasn't talking about God.  
(Name Withheld): If a woman ever shits on me, that will be the end of the relationship. No questions asked. [link]
Sally: That's a good line for a personal ad. And also a convenient way for a girl to let you know she wants to break up.  
Yost: Please don't hit the soft bits. [link]
Yost: Why does my coffee taste like vodka? [link]
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: I've come to a conclusion. You only exist if you have been recently contacted through indirect methods. You're like Schroedinger's Terry. [link]
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: You're the kind of guy who puts his lovers' spunk into the Cyclotron because he just wants the skeemen. [link]
Morgan: D in the B with no L or C. [link]
(Whole Room): Wha...?!?!?  
Morgan: D in the B with no L or C: dick in the butt with no lube or condom.  
Yost: ...Why do you have an abbreviation for that?  
Terry: This has me feeling all "Mountain Dew-y." [link]
Joe: (Uncomfortable pause)

(Abruptly changes topic)
Terry: I know it's Scott Brosius, but still. You wouldn't let him impregnate you, would you? [link]
Devina: If he'd be willing to marry me, I'd let him run a litter through me.  
Devina: I think Wembley grew up in Compton. Gunfire doesn't seem to bother him. [link]
Eric B.: Oh, man, a bladder infection isn't that big of a deal. It shouldn't stop the pounding. [link]
Devina: OK, just prayed. What kind of lag time is there with God? [link]
Sally: I'm having an abortion -- hooray! [link]
Lita: Whatever, I think guys jackin' off is hot. I've got a whole magazine full of it. [link]
Castor: It's a pop-up book, right?  
Yost: Although I know you have no great respect for authority, having seen your flagrant disregard for the sodomy laws. [link]
Yost: Well, color me fucked.

I hear Crayola makes a special crayon for that these days.
Terry: I have this overwhelming urge to fellate my lunch. [link]

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