Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Fall 2004

 
Terry: How was your meeting? [link]
Joe: It was good. There was a lot of talking.  
 
Nolandda: Believe me, I'm not a hippo-fucker. [link]
 
Lita: Why do I have to be the adult here? [link]
 
Terry: [She] was all, "Man, there comes a point where above a certain level of horniness, the only thing that will satisfy me is anal sex." [link]
Yost: Neat. I have never heard a girl say that. I can't believe they could give me a diploma knowing I had never heard a girl say that.  
 
Terry: Dude, margaritas are girl drinks. [link]
Eric B.: Oh, whatever. They've got a ton of tequila in them. Even if they called them "Pink Fluffy Drinks, For Pussies Only" I'd drink them.  
 
Terry: If you have three, it makes for better DP.

That's like a haiku from hell.

Wow. That'd be a good album name: "Haiku From Hell."
[link]
 
Craig T.: I don't remember that shot. [link]
Terry: ...Neither did Kennedy.  
 
Joe: I make the obvious... obvious. [link]
 
Nolandda: [She] was out for blood. I can respect bloodlust. [link]
 
Jack: (to Terry) I would like to kill you with fire. [link]
 
Terry: That sucks when you're sitting on the toilet feeling like Mr. Coffee. [link]
 
Alli: (about Terry's stir-fry) It tastes really good if you can taste it. [link]
 
Eric B.: (about Terry's stir-fry) Look, my tongue is bleeding. [link]
 
Yost: (to Terry) You need a dead bitches storage facility. [link]
 
Terry: I think it's a combination of lung butter and iced latte.

Breakfast of champions right thar.
[link]
 
James V., Jr.: (stops abruptly in front of Joe who is pushing a stroller containing Sebastian) [link]
Jim V.: James, that wasn't very courteous.  
James V., Jr.: Dad, I don't even know what courteous MEANS!?  
Jim V.: ...That could be a problem.  
 
Lita: (to Terry) I only eat sausage for you. [link]
 
Terry: I'll be the hungry one. [link]
Lita: I'll be the tired one.  
Terry: Now we just need an angry one and a lonely one and we'll have quite the making for an AA meeting.  
 
Mehlberg: I asked Eric Davis if you could do me. [link]
 
Terry: My ass is an intergalactic rest stop. [link]
 
Terry: I think you need a shot in the mouth, a little espresso. [link]
Joe: You're an espresso machine now? I'll take a tall Cafe Terry.

...Oh wait, they don't MAKE those.
 
 
Terry: Did you hear that EB is considering going in drag to Saturday's party? Oh god the irony. Talk about hiding in plain sight. [link]
 
Brad: The Grumpy Chinese Man brand chili oil should have a warning label on it that says, "Thou shalt have a seat belt installed on thy toilet." [link]
Nolandda: ...How do you know it doesn't?  
 
Ian D.: You voted? Did you vote in Indiana? [link]
Terry: Yes, I voted in Indiana. I'm a resident and everything.  
Ian D.: You must love that. Your vote ALMOST counted in this state.  
 
Matt W.: My stomach is starting to really regret the salami. [link]
 
(Name Withheld): I just want to be one of the backup Negros. [link]
 
David L.: And if you need to, you can send me in as counterintelligence. [link]
Terry: That's so true on so many levels.  
 
Eric B.: Your mom was good last night. [link]
Terry: Well, that's good to hear. She was really amped up about it. I heard she was doing stretching exercises and stuff yesterday morning to get ready for it.  
Eric B.: Well, it sure paid off; I was able to get my entire head up there. Simulating birth or something.

...Now we're brothers!
 
 
Terry: Did you see the quote where Yost claimed I needed a Dead Bitches Storage Facility?

...I wonder if we could use Yucca Mountain.
[link]
Brad: There are very few things better than a dead bitch. One thing that is better is a dead bitch that GLOWS.  
 
Terry: Lita isn't a girly-girl very often, so seeing her doing the female bonding thing is very, very weird. [link]
Joe: I gave her a baby and it was all over.

<Pause>

Well, I didn't _give_ her a baby, but...
 

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