Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Spring 2005

 
Terry: (responding to Joe Abbey's suggestion to hit David Lin) I don't think that would work out very well for me. [link]
Joe: Yeah, you'd make a billion enemies.  
 
Lita: I don't need alone time with Woodfin. [link]
Terry: I can hear his cold, dead heart breaking from here.  
 
Brad: Well, that's what you get when you masturbate with a basketball.

Yeah, she's a real Hoosier.
[link]
 
David L.: I get it now! It's like the Noland Effect. [link]
Nolandda: The Noland Effect: C code becomes more clear when I'm present. It's like my mutant power.  
 
Nolandda: I am like Mr. Wizard on crack! [link]
 
Terry: Yeah, well, it's too bad I'm not a member of a respectable religion, one that has glory days such as, oh I don't know, the Inquisition...? [link]
Joe: Ah Crusades.... They looked good on paper.  
 
Terry: BTW, by that going rate you owe me about $50,000 or so.

Errr.

Multiplier is broken. $5,000 or so.
[link]
Brad: So that's how you get away with telling girls your dick is so big. Your multiplier is broken.  
 
Joe: That's what you should do. On the first date, you should take the girl to Wendy's and order off the $0.99 menu. [link]
Terry: Man, Wendy's is pretty good for a first date, but even better than that is Taco Bell. Bitches *love* the Taco Bell.  
 
Mehlberg: Terry's in an exceptional mood today. [link]
Eric B.: Yeah, his grandma finally got her dentures.  
 
(Name Withheld): You know what we should do next? [link]
Terry: Your mom.  
(Name Withheld): No, we should actually do [work stuff].  
Terry: ...Your mom would be more enjoyable though.  
(Name Withheld): She's gone through menopause; she's really dry.  
 
Terry: PRAISE JESUS! [link]
Joe: Blasphemy!  
Terry: <blink> <blink> "Praise Jesus" is blasphemy?  
Joe: It is when you say it.  
 
Eric D.: Do we look stupid? [link]
Nolandda: We look stupid for thinking [they] were that smart.  
 
Joe: How long does it take to get a firearm in this state? [link]
Nolandda: Well, it took /me/ awhile, but....  
 
Nolandda: Your failed business model is not my problem. [link]
 
Atallah: If I had developed [this system], you would be in a sanitorium right now. [link]
 
Eric B.: It's not that it's small, it's just overactive. [link]
 
Terry: Lita doesn't like garlic.

--Err, Amy. I've gotta get used to that.
[link]
Yost: Excuse me? She switched names again?  
Terry: Yes.  
Yost: Did her crazy hat get too tight?  
 
Sally: Apparently moms don't have much sense of humor about their daughters being whores. [link]
 
Terry: Chrystal's a phlebotomist. [link]
Yost: She draws blood?  
Terry: Yes.  
Yost: ...Which leads right to the marriage jokes.  
 
(Name Withheld): I made your mom look like the glutton in that movie 'Se7en,' but it wasn't spaghetti sauce she was eating. [link]
 
Jaye: Bianca's a free agent. And she's fun. You should come out with us. I thought we could take her clubbing. [link]
Mahandra: ...Baby seals?  

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