Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Summer 2005

 
Yost: They have a saying in Cancun - you can't have debauchery without Terry Ott. [link]
 
Yost: Brad is scrawny and mean. I love hanging out with him but I would not hit that. [link]
 
Terry: It's gotta be a good conversation when I'm talking about knives, dead babies and erections. [link]
 
Yost: Josh, you're going to sleep like a baby tonight. [link]
Josh: What kind of baby?  
Yost: A baby with a knife in it.  
 
(Name Withheld): Man, I would have made a new hole in her. I would have fucked her spine. She would have been in a wheelchair when I was done. [link]
 
Josh: I thought my cock was going to pop off and fly around the room. [link]
 
Brad: Did you know this shit is bananas? B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Gwen Stefani murdered my head.
[link]
 
Brad: What are we doing for dinner tonight? [link]
Terry: I thought that we might barbeque your mom.  
Brad: Well, there would be a lot of tar involved; she has been smoking a pack and a half a day for years now.  
 
Yost: I think that you would like "Dead Like Me."

The main character is both crazy and dead. So that cuts like a whole stage out of your relationship cycle.
[link]
 
Josh: Are you going to sleep like a baby tonight? [link]
Yost: Like the babies in my trunk.  
Josh: How many babies are in your trunk?  
Yost: After you put them through the blender you can't really count them anymore.  
 
Terry: Wow is that a catchy little backbeat. [link]
Yost: A little creepy though.  
Terry: I just meant the little zylophone part, not the part where the children of the corn are telling me they're coming to get me.  
Yost: I don't usually order my techno with scary children in it.  
 
Brad: It's like clubbing a baby seal, but with your dick. [link]
 
Brad: I'd have to put her labia in traction. [link]
 
Yost: Whoever invented Prilosec, I would like to buy them a beer. [link]
Terry: I think they'd consider you drinking a beer counterproductive to their product.

"Whoever created the condom, I'd like to thank them by having unprotected sex with their daughter."
 
 
Yost: You bore me. I'm going to the gyn

Christ.

GYM.

Let's pretend I never typed that.
[link]
 
Nolandda: War bonds were a great idea! I wish they sold "War on Terror" bonds. I would sell them short. [link]
 
Sara: She's kinda cute. Looks like she's got a little scoliosis maybe. [link]
Brad: Yeah, I'd straighten her out.  
 
Terry: I have pictures of her, actually. [link]
Brad: Are they aerial?  
 
Yost: It's always good to have a long-lasting crazy girl in your past.

It seasons the rest of your life.

Like a good blackening spice.
[link]
 
Brad: You should get some of those kneepads like people that lay carpet wear. [link]
Terry: Well, I lay more pipe than carpet, so....  
Brad: For the record, it's not called "laying pipe" when the pipe is inside you.
 
 
Mandy: If I lived with someone, I'd be getting laid. A lot. [link]

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