Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Winter 2005-06

 
David L.: You don't want to get your ass kicked by a she-male. [link]
Brad: Yeah, I don't want to get in any tranny trouble.  
 
Alexandra: Sometimes I feel like I'm in bed with Woodfin. [link]
 
Terry: Do you not like the look of the Audi TT? Could meet your needs. [link]
Brad: It's girly.  
Terry: This from a guy who is proud he owned a Miata. Jesus.  
 
Alexandra: Who would win in a fight between you and Woodfin? [link]
Terry: Ooh, that's tough. I think it'd depend on who got the first shot in. He doesn't have much upper-body strength, so I think if I could get him on the ground and manage to stay on top, I think I could just stay there and pound him mercilessly for hours.

(Pause)

That sounds really sexual.
 
 
Brad: I know that when you say "No" you can still take a couple more inches. [link]
 
Brad: Yeah, buy that! It teaches the kids about math... and hating people! [link]
 
Dulaney: C'mon, hook a brother up! [link]
Constantine: You don't want this one.  
Dulaney: Why not?  
Constantine: She's REALLY religious.  
Dulaney: Awww, I'll break 'er in! By the time I'm done with her she'll be worshippin' the dick!  
 
Brad: Ehh, set him on fire.

That makes people talkative.
[link]
 
Alexandra: That's why I could never be in a lesbian relationship; the height difference would indicate I should be the dyke-y one, and I could NEVER be the dyke-y one. [link]
 
Terry: Man, if the massive wall of medicines, vitamins, etc. doesn't do anything by tomorrow I'm contacting the CDC.

"Hi, yeah, I think I have Ebola. Is this the right number to call?"

See if that provokes a response.
[link]
 
Nolandda: By the way... Requirement 3.3.2.8 is Turing-undecidable. [link]
 
Joe: I'm surprised they let you play reindeer games. [link]
Terry: My training in sheep games went well enough they let me upgrade to reindeer.  
 
Brad: So the doctor's pressing on my prostate and I'm like, "What are you doing, checking for my serial number by feel?" [link]
Terry: Dude, he was looking for your VIN.  
Brad: That's not where it's hidden.  
 
(Name Withheld): I was like, "Whoah," and then it smacked me in the face. [link]
 
Brad: Ugh. One time I touched my dick hole after preparing chili. Dude, ze pain.

It was like a blitzkrieg in my penis.
[link]
 
Terry: Is he taking down the Internet in SF, or the entire Internet? [link]
Brad: Heh. I think he's taking down the entire Internet.  
Terry: Someone should warn Spaf. That's going to cost us like a million-billion SpafBucks in lost productivity.  
Brad: Yeah, he's going to need a 64-bit machine to figure out how much it cost us.  
 
Yost: How many stars does a hotel have to have before you can crap on the ceiling? I'm not sure they've adequately captured that customer requirement. [link]

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