Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Spring 2006

 
Terry: So now the Bay Area and Austin are both clear of dead bitches.

I'm like a ghostbuster.
[link]
 
Brad: Have you ever seen a real, honest-to-god grease fire? It's great! [link]
Nolandda: This must be some new definition of "great" that I'm unfamiliar with.  
Brad: You burned down your high school and you're telling me fire's not great!?!?!?!  
 
Joe: You know, the Incredible Hulk is pretty dirty when you think about it. [link]
Jon C.: No, it's pretty dirty when YOU think about it.  
 
Brad: She looks like the kinda bitch that would just sprout a dick. [link]
 
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: I think I need to start going to church or something. [link]
Terry: God thinks so too.  
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: Yeah. And, more vocally, my mother.  
Terry: Yeah, but the hell she can put you through is significantly shorter in duration.

By about an infinity.
 
 
Brad: I'm incredibly passionate about comic books.

<Pause>

This may be part of the reason I'm single right now.
[link]
 
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: One day Soul Calibur time is like 15 years liver time. [link]
 
Brad: I'd hit her like the fist of an angry god.

(Brad says "some guy" on Fark deserves credit for this quote.)
[link]
 
Brad: I don't know if it has goo in it, I can't get deep enough in to tell. [link]
 
Terry: [Alex] was wondering if a squirrel actually caused the accident where I got windshield in your nuts.

I said, "Yeah, ask Scott; he was all depressed so I took him for a ride."
[link]
Yost: It's true.

I got my self-destruction on.
 
Terry: "...Caused the accident where I got windshield in your nuts."

Wonder how many people other than you I'll be able to say that about in my life.
 
Yost: It's a rare occasion when you can put something in another man's nuts and remain friends.  

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