Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Summer 2006

Terry: And you sure seem like you don't want to unpack today. [link]
(Name Withheld): I don't really want to do much of anything today except take a dump.  
Brad: Are you taking a handgun on your trip to Texas? [link]
Terry: Uhhh, no. Why?  
Nolandda: I think it's the law.  
Alexandra: I hate having to read books for eight hours. [link]
Terry: That's what you want to hear from a soon-to-be graduate student in English.  
Alexandra: It's like a Frappucino, but with juice instead of cock.

...Err, I mean coffee.
Terry: I'm like, "Baby, that's great, but if your dog craps in the car I'm killing him. And then throwing the poo at you." [link]
Yost: Do that. Chicks love fecal hijinks.  
Terry: I do believe that's the first time I've seen the phrase "anal sacs" in print. [link]
Terry: That's a block of carbalicious goodness. [link]
Brad: You have to cook to get a bitch.... I mean woman. [link]
Brad: As far as I know, I'm currently responsible for zero children. [link]
Constantine: I told you, chicks like guys who are assholes. [link]
Brad: Dude, if that were true, I'd be drowning in vaginal secretions.  
Terry: Don't be self-conscious, babe. Just keep your face and rack out of the water at all times. Those are your best assets. [link]
Nolandda: ...Well, the bottom of the sack dropped out but everything's fine. [link]
Brad: Wait, didn't the same thing happen to you?  

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