Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Fall 2007

Yost: I like my women like I like my scotch: twelve years old and mixed up in coke. [link]
Mary Ann: It's been so long since I've chewed through a thick piece of meat, I guess I forgot what it's like. [link]
Terry: Well, you went to grad school. Grad school means you're old. [link]
Lint: No, grad school means you have no future. It doesn't matter how old you are when you don't have a future.  
Brad: So yeah. You know how in Sid Meier's Civilization you can have a treaty with someone and they can launch a sneak attack?

Well, General Corn and Admiral Blackbean formed some kind of junta and staged an attack on the peaceful people of Toiletwateristan.

I'm sure the events of this day will eventually be known as The Colonic Uprising.
Terry: I don't hate god... I just don't *believe* in him. [link]
(Name Withheld): I have a huge weakness for girls that are crying. It's so attractive. If a girl's crying, she instantly loses a good 50 pounds in my eyes easy. [link]
Lint: Can we all acknowledge that the release cycle is *not* a menstrual cycle? You don't get to be a total raging bitch the entire time. [link]
Terry: I can't imagine any job worse than being a high school teacher. [link]
Brad: I'd do it, but only for the chicks.  
Terry: You should teach elementary school, Brad. That way you're less likely of the girl turning up pregnant.  
Lint: My explanation is simpler than that: it's fat wrapped around flour. [link]
Brad: ...I think I dated that.  
Castor: Brad, what is it with you jerking off to cartoon characters? [link]
Liz: ...At least this time it's not a cartoon *animal*.  
Terry: Oooh, look at that guy, he's getting up pretty slow. He's not feeling very good. [link]
Nikki: Oh, c'mon, he just got hit in the balls. He'll be fine.  

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