Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

West Lafayette, Winter 2007-Spring 2008

 
(Name Withheld): We have an addition to the family.

I believe I'll call him "Turdie" or "Turdboy."

Like most babies, he kicked and screamed on the way out, weighed about 8 pounds, and was about 19 inches long.
[link]
 
Terry: Noland was saying that he was here one night at like 3am and from (the offices that do cancer research next door) he heard a mighty stream of profanity at high volume. [link]
Lint: You'd be pissed if you had cancer too!  
 
Brad: Ehh, I'm so far from even commenting on [that] that I can't even . . . shit . . . this whole thing kind of fell apart on me. [link]
Terry: This aborted sentence brought to you by the letter "J."  
Brad: Yeah, that sentence slipped into the abort-o-tron.  
Terry: If only Jamie Lynn Spears had been so lucky.  
 
Terry: I'll have to check with Amy first. I pretty much am her bitch. [link]
Chris H.: That's not surprising. You do have several of the "able to be made a bitch" qualities.  
Terry: Including a mouth like a silk purse, but you knew that from experience.  
Chris H.: You were my third best bitch of all last year, not bad for a rookie.

I just loved how the chin fit like a puzzle piece.
 
 
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: I mean, the Mormon god doesn't lack dignity like the Pagan god, but He'll chuck a bit of precum now and again. [link]
 
Brad: What, you got scales on your jimminy cricket? [link]
Terry: And gills. It totally freaks the ladies out.

Cock-breathing. I can see that as an evolutionary step.

Maybe I'm an X-Man.
 
 
Brad: When life gives you shit... make shit-ade. [link]
 
Terry: Mehlberg's kid appears to have a penis. I guess it's going to be a boy. [link]
Lint: That's good; at least it will be worth something.  
 
(Name Withheld): Dude, I just created something new a couple of minutes ago in the bathroom. I call it "Firefudge."

It had all the properties of regular fudge, but it feels like it's made of white-hot razor blades.

It's like it had fragment of the Soul Edge in it.
[link]
 
Brad: Add a pork chop to English and you get a lot of glottal stops. [link]
 
Terry: Nice attempt at English there, Brad. [link]
Brad: Yeah, I was having trouble kicking the words out the word hole.  
 
(Name Withheld): There's a difference between a slutbag and a cum-dumpster. [link]

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