Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Cincinnati, Winter 2008-09

Scott C.: Sometimes I just need to bark. [link]
Terry: As long as she still wants the bone when you're done barking, it's all foreplay.  
Terry: Dr. Bernstein has inspired me to create a new verb: "bottlefuck." By the time I'm done bottlefucking him, he'l have a full wine bottle worth of glass shards as far up his digestive track as I can manage with the help of the end of a baseball bat. The show's not over until he's managed to purge himself of all the glass or he bleeds to death from his shredded sphincter; both outcomes would be equally and entirely pleasing. [link]
Terry: Yeah, that fry is cooked. Golden brown and crispy on the outside, yet still tender on the inside. ...Kinda like my liver. [link]

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