Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Cincinnati, Spring 2010

(Name Withheld): I think that "Beat A Bitch With A Bat Day" is going to continue into tomorrow. [link]
Terry: Hell, you should celebrate the start of summer like the Discovery Channel does with sharks: make a week out of it.  
Amy's Cardiologist: (to Amy in the recovery room) Your scan came up clean, there's no plaque buildup or blockages in your heart. [link]
Amy: (her first full English sentence after coming out of anesthesia) ...Does that mean I can eat more bacon?  

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