Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Cincinnati, Fall 2010

Brad: Stygian mass falls
Tranquil waters now disturbed
Brown mountain stands proud
Terry: Please tell me that's not an original haiku about poop.  
Brad: It's completely original.

I compose haikus for all my epic dumps.
Terry: I've heard that spring compressors are a rather effective way to kill yourself. [link]
Brad: Yeah, it turns out that when you're compressing a spring that's designed to hold up a quarter of a 3200lb car that the forces involved are . . . significant.  
Terry: I bet that's a sound you'll never forget, assuming you're not in the path of destruction.  
Brad: Seeing that kind of thing and surviving would probably result in you shitting your pants every time you saw a slinky.  
Terry: Big Man didn't want to eat his food with meds in them. I had to feed him and then give him his meds wrapped in cheese afterwards. Guess feeding him has become a two-phase operation. [link]
Amy: We'll see. You can put the cheese ball on top.  
Terry: It's like a cherry on top, but with narcotics!  
Terry: Kevin's been marching around today. More than usual. [link]
Brad: Marching?  
Terry: Yeah, he doesn't have durka legs, so he can actually march.  
Brad: At least it's symmetrical when you goose-step.  
Mark T.: It's like raping a mime; you might be able to get away with it because they can't say no, but it's still wrong. [link]

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