Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Cincinnati, Winter 2010-11

Brad: If dung beetles had seen the dump I just took, they would have made me their king. [link]
Terry: Much like mom jokes, I firmly believe that humorously passive-aggressive checkin comments should be formally recognized by the National Endowment for the Arts. [link]
Brad: The dump I just took is going on my PAS.

It was the kind of bowel movement that could end a marriage.
Terry: Sorry, fingers were doing one thing while I was thinking about something else.

...Which, after I think about it, is a fair description of most nights with your mom.
Brad: I generally care less about things these days. [link]

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