Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Purdue, Spring 2002

 
Aiello: I think I'd use four ARP tables. [link]
Terry: And a knapsack, 'cause we both know they can solve any problem.  
 
Brad: A superhero that wears her panties on his head! He could call himself the Pelvic Avenger! [link]
 
Terry: Dan got it up, then he went down, and now he's busy grabbing backends. The party never stops in this office! [link]
 
Brad: GCC should stand for 'god-damned code catastrophe.'
*(Seriously, how do you explain a compiler optimization flag breaking traceroute?)*
[link]
 
Aiello: We've done an amazingly good job of monopolizing these backends today. [link]
Terry: You know, no backend is safe when we're in town.  
 
Aiello: Does "less" do regular expressions? [link]
Terry: Does my cock tie itself in knots?

(Pause)

...That doesn't really answer your question, does it?
 
 
Meg: God and I are are on a need-to-know basis. [link]
 
Brad: You know, when you're up at 8 o'clock in the moron.... [link]
 
Brad: I'm going to be teaching this summer. [link]
Jacob H.: What are you teaching, Bitterness And Sarcasm?  
 
Terry: You're more rock than cock. [link]
 
Brad: It's like you're a jizzmopper who took a week off! [link]
 
Brad: I went home and jerked off twice. Then I slept for two hours. I seem to be doing things in pairs today. [link]
 
Brad: On a scale from one to fag.... [link]
 
Brad: She is a lightning rod for my semen. [link]
 
Aiello: Will everyone please look at the note on the overhead...? [link]
Adam R.: I hate to be difficult, but....
*(Adam is a blind student who has a great sense of humor)*
 
 
L-Z: (To Brad) You're just naturally fucked up. [link]
 
Brad: It's the uber-aggressive garbage collector. We could call it the Fourth Reich Garbage Collector. The FRGC! [link]
 
Christian G.: The specs for PA 5 are a little rough...
*(The best laugh of that week without a close second)*
[link]
 
Terry: Nothing says love quite as well as dying of hypothermia together. [link]
 
Terry: God's useful -- you can blame bad test scores on him. [link]
 
Brad: (His) testicles are going to detonate like semen hand grenades. [link]
 
Brad: She'd drown in my Tsunami of Semen. [link]
 
Aiello: Citrus-flavored ass. Mmmmmmm.... [link]
 
Brad: There's beer, naked women, and sports. Why does anybody leave? [link]
 
Brad: That wasn't really a fart, it was more of a beta shit. [link]

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