Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Cincinnati, Fall 2011

Brad: Fat girls give better blowjobs because they be hungry. [link]
Terry: Jesus, Amy. You become a client of the vet clinic and bring seven dogs. You give your surgeon three surgeries a year.

You're like a buffet for professionals.
Terry: I've so many meals consisting of beef stew leftovers in the last two days I feel the dump I just took should have been sponsored by Bushmills. [link]
Terry: Now that's the sign of a well-stocked fridge: when you have to move the container of home-made gravy out of the way to get to the one-pound package of shredded cheese. [link]
Brad: It's a huge watch.

Like you could put it in a sock and beat someone to death with it.
Terry: She's like a Tootsie-Pop! [link]
Chris T.: How many licks does it take?  
Brad: I'm going to get to the center of it... vaginally.  
Terry: If bowel movements could be compared to literary works, I think I just produced The Stand.

An extremely large, dense novel with strong overtones of good and evil.
(Name Withheld): If my only options left in the world were fuck (girl 1), fuck (girl 2) or saw my dick off with a rusty spoon, I'd be seriously tempted to roll a d6. [link]

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