Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Cincinnati, Fall 2012

Terry: I won't be happy unless sometime Sunday I am forced to perform a maneuver I refer to as "rectal urination." [link]
Jake: The best part of being alone at work today was that when I took a dump that was massive enough to raise the water level in the bowl, there was nobody who was there to complain when I washed my balls in the sink. [link]
Jake: I would have gone Manifest Destiny on her ass. [link]
Jeremy O.: (Looking at a picture of two women) Wait, which one is [she]? The one on the left or the one on the right? [link]
Name Withheld: ...the large one.  
VMware training instructor: I grew up in New York. In New York, the f-word is used like a comma. [link]
VMware training instructor: Make sure you REMOVE the datastore and that you don't DELETE the datastore. If you click "Delete," just hope your resume wasn't stored on the deleted datastore, because you have just performed what I call an RGE: Resume-Generating Event. [link]
Terry: Your mom is the swiss army knife of sexual gratification. [link]
Brad: That burrito is treating me like Somalians treat Army Rangers. [link]

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