Memorable Quotes

Disclaimer:

This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Purdue, Summer 2002

 
Terry: I just found a new definition of pure *genius*: marketing paint thinner as chardonnay. [link]
 
Terry: Enjoy that Poly diploma, if/when it happens. [link]
Gnat: I just might take up smoking just to see it burn.  
 
Meg: (To Terry) Well, we're aware that you and the FBI have a strange relationship. [link]
 
Michelle: The world is better with kids in it. [link]
Justin: No, the world is better with *cars* in it.  
 
Brad: We find when we teach this class it has a high degree of cock-jockery. [link]
 
Brad: Hit the cervex hard enough and they start spraying blood. It's fucking creepy. [link]
 
Terry: But you slept with him, so that's not surprising. [link]
Brad: He's black, I wouldn't have hit that.  
 
Anne: He's not cute enough or smart enough to be gay. [link]
 
Brad: I find Kant kind of refreshing. [link]
Lee: (Honestly amazed look) Uhhh.... Refreshing?  
 
Brad: Don't worry, I've been called worse. Most people start at 'jackass' and proceed into the depths of profanity. [link]
 
Terry: Somehow I have trouble imagining the changes necessary to turn South Central LA into a den of philosophers. [link]
 
Brad: My signature has a heart in it; chicks dig it. [link]
Terry: ...How misleading.  
 
Devina: A toast: 'Here is to hell; may the stay there be as fun as the way there.' [link]
 
Terry: We should tell the incoming 180 TAs not to worry about getting attached to their students, since they'll be seeing so many of them again in the spring. [link]
 
Brad: (Professor's name deleted) is the terrorist of CS. We should buy him some jackboots with his initials engraved in them. [link]
 
Pat G.: Terry's Mongolian beef, Corona, chardonnay and a Long Island Iced Tea? ...Yeah, good luck with that. [link]
 
Brad: I'm in a period of mourning -- for your GRADES! [link]
 
Pat G.: I went to school for six years and all I can do is balance a fucking table. [link]
 
Brad: You know that chick on Weakest Link? She *used* to be an alcoholic.

Fucking quitter.
[link]
 
Nolandda: That's great that we're bad people. [link]
 
Discovery Channel: The British [something] Museum collects squid from the stomachs of sperm whales. [link]
Nolandda: ...Uhm, get a hobby?  

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