Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Purdue, Spring 2003

Brad: You should have gotten this in recitation. Who's your recitation instructor? [link]
Student: Frank.  
Brad: Oh, well maybe not then. He might have gotten all Teutonic on you.  
Terry: When I think of reflection, I think of Christian, and that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.


Spaf: The formal verification people hate that analogy -- that's why I use it. [link]
Brad: I've never met an asshole I didn't like. [link]
Spaf: I thought it might be bad, sitting in a room with a bunch of FBI guys and grading your exams. [link]
Brad: ...Especially with Terry's name on one of the papers.  
Keith: Here is where IKE becomes annoyingly flexible. [link]
Spaf: Stupid people have secrets too. [link]
Yost: I kind of feel that anyone who really likes Perl is someone who I don't want writing my code. [link]
Devina: But I think that marriage should be forever. [link]
Terry: We all think that, and about 50% of us are wrong.  
Terry: SSCP Identity Theft. [link]
Terry: I can hear it now: "Baaa-aaaa-<twitch twitch>-baaa." Mmmm. The sound of true love. [link]
Brad: He wants to have his cake and eat cock too. [link]
Aiello: You stalker. [link]
Brad: I call it being thorough.  
Terry: Can't you do that, distribute the e inside? [link]
Nolandda: No, you can't do that! That's like the Universal Freshman Theorem!  
Brad: Was your shit like a fecal firehose? [link]
Nolandda: That information is on a need-to-know basis; unless you are fucking me in the ass you don't need to know.  
Terry: The only bad thing about this song is at the very end they throw up a solid wall of noise. [link]
Nolandda: ...But you still listen to techno?  
Brad: I'd pound her like a nail into Jesus' hand! [link]
Yost: Cooperation through intimidation. It's like the American way. [link]
Spaf: Always keep your employees gruntled. [link]
Spaf: The purpose of this class is not to bring down nation states.

Though if you want to do it as a term project, I'll give you a list.
Brad: Baseball bats and sex jokes just go together. [link]
Terry: [She] was a sexual chameleon. [link]
Spaf: An organization is not going to hire someone into donkeys. [link]
Terry: They don't give you a certification just for working really hard. [link]
Terry: The Kraut is dating the Tank. They're their own Panzer division! [link]
Brad: How do your nuts measure up on the Pepsi challenge? [link]
Terry: That's why it's okay for the US to have WMD -- cause we're *good* and we'll only use it on the *bad* people. [link]
Yost: You misspelled brown.  
Brad: If you're gonna go down make sure she does too, if you know what I'm sayin' sayin'. [link]
Terry: My Simulator is kind of the Fuhrer of my program. [link]
Brad: Nice, the 'Fuhrer Design Pattern.'  
Keith: So this standard was developed by a bunch of European countries who wanted to defend their turf. [link]
Aiello: ...Certainly not France.  
Brad: That thing adds like five gaypower. [link]
Terry: Well, hopefully this spring break won't be as expensive as last one. [link]
Aiello: Well, it's not like I can miss the car.  
Lita: What's your girlfriend's name? [link]
Brad: Chrystal.  
Lita: No, I mean your 240 girlfriend.  
Brad: Penthouse: it's not porn if you can't see her kidneys. [link]
Spaf: How is that rage going to be handled? My guess is that it won't be translated into the fine arts. [link]
Brad: Cheating like that is practically fair. [link]
Brad: I was just flexing my technowang for you. [link]
Paul W.: There's a newsgroup for this class? [link]
Terry: ...Yeah, it's right next to the webpage.  
Brad: (to himself) "I really need a blowjob tonight."


(to Terry) "...What are you doing tonight?"
Nolandda: This paper has a 60 page bibliography. God bless America! [link]
(Name Withheld): I'll lobby for you guys to have assistantships in the fall. I'd rather have a known quantity than to have another Lynn Hoffman. God KNOWS that was a waste of money. [link]
Terry: "Abstraction-Based Intrusion Detection In Distributed Environments"

by X. S. Wang
Terry: % gtar zcvfp proj8.tar.gz [link]
Richard Stallman: gtar: Cowardly refusing to create an empty archive  
Nolandda: Did you know there's such a thing as public-key steganography? It's kind of fucked up.

...I like it!
Student: His quote to me was, 'Sucks to be you.' [link]
(Name Withheld): Well, you missed the exam. It does suck to be you.  
Yost: That was a 90 minute final. [link]
Nolandda: Bullshit. It was a two hour exam.  
Yost: Only if you knew all the answers.  

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