Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Purdue, Summer 2003

Jer: Dude, you totally ate a billygoat. [link]
Brad: When you think about it, your colon is really a priority queue. [link]
Nolandda: Senators versus Devils? Well, isn't that just a gathering of evil. [link]
Stephen King: Skip went on studying the record album. "This sucks the rigid cock of Satan. It really does." [link]
Devina: The bun is neither meat nor cheese. [link]
Terry: ...I hate that bun.  
Devina: Terry's my instant score guy. [link]
Terry: Don't worry about bringing a screwdriver, HE has EVERYTHING. [link]
Terry: Yeah, I even heard they have my sex life. Too bad I'm not on the ACL.  
Lita: I even peed slow for you. [link]
Nolandda: ...I've never had a girl say THAT to me before.  
Brad: I'm pretty much a big fan of myself. [link]
Terry: Tell me we're not in love; that'd ruin my fuckin' day. [link]
John Connor: Where are you taking us? [link]
T101 (Arnold): Someplace safe.  
Terry: ...You call the LA freeways SAFE?!?!?!  
Dulaney: I missed the bus and it's SoftICE's fault. [link]
D'Agosta: Goddamn fucking human bodies. Why oh why didn't god make better ones? [link]
D'Agosta: You know, it takes a person like Theo to make it happen. Because really, OpenBSD is like a big "FUCK ALL OF YOU, YOU ALL SUCK" to the entire computer world. [link]
Terry: A portion of those failure messages are people who tested to see if we're an open relay. And our system sent them bounce messages which said, "Nice try, thanks for playing. Oh, and by the way, I enjoyed fucking your mom." [link]
Chrystal: (To Brad) Loving you is a talent. [link]
Brad: Terry does a good Oliver Twist. [link]
Devina: Please tell me I don't have to bold your colon. [link]
Kevin S.: Bob Matthews: that Howard Hughes (the recluse years) looking mofo. [link]
Brad: Hey, there are some Republicans that believe in the Constitution. [link]
Brad: I don't know; I don't speak Crazy Bitch! [link]
Devina: Wow, am I decomposing? [link]
Brad: Gay dice roll better. [link]
A dude on Politically Incorrect: It's a war, not a blowjob. [link]
Terry: We should just like outlaw the Jews or something. [link]
Nolandda: ...Uh, yeah, I think they tried that once.  
Terry: So how would you classify his mood? [link]
Anne: Panicked.  
Terry: What made you think that?  
Anne: Okay, maybe not panicked. But something close to it. Maybe cautious.  
Brad: I call this one "Vaginal CPR." [link]
Brad: There's nothing like a little dick-drip. [link]
Brad: Arrogance is a defense mechanism in grad school. [link]
Brad: I love it when they bust out the organ. [link]
Terry: I'm glad I'm sitting down so I don't have to see his hog. [link]
Nolandda: CSPAN-2. Like anyone watches CSPAN-1. [link]
Brad: But it's all vaguely puke-colored. [link]
Devina: I have no doubt you're more than a mouthful. [link]
Brad: My liver's all, "Yeah, I'm getting up to my fightin' weight." [link]
Village Bottle Clerk: What, are you trolling for freshmen? [link]
Sharkbait: I don't think this is my wood. [link]
Terry: (to Devina) What, too much wood for one night? [link]
The Reverend Aaron Lehmann: I've seen snatch. Snatch is good. [link]

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