Memorable Quotes


This is an equal-opportunity quote page. By that I mean that I do my best to make fun of everyone (meaning both individuals and groups) equally.

In these quotes you're likely to find suggestions of sexism, racism, beastiality, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia, foul language, alcoholism, various illegal acts, general bad taste, etc., etc., etc. Please try to keep in mind that these quotes were quite intentionally left without any of the relevant context as to the situation in which they were said.

As you read the following quotes, please keep in mind that just because I said something or found what someone else said humorous does NOT necessarily mean that I agree with it. I find "shock humor" to be a wonderful form of comedy. I am able to find some inherent humor in most of life, including situations that are entirely repugnant to my personal morality.

If you are at all unsure of your ability to maintain a sense of humor while reading these quotes, I would strongly encourage you to A) find your entertainment elsewhere; and B) chill out.

Quotes said by Joe

Terry: This has me feeling all "Mountain Dew-y." [link]
Joe: (Uncomfortable pause)

(Abruptly changes topic)
Terry: How was your meeting? [link]
Joe: It was good. There was a lot of talking.  
Joe: I make the obvious... obvious. [link]
Terry: I think you need a shot in the mouth, a little espresso. [link]
Joe: You're an espresso machine now? I'll take a tall Cafe Terry.

...Oh wait, they don't MAKE those.
Terry: Lita isn't a girly-girl very often, so seeing her doing the female bonding thing is very, very weird. [link]
Joe: I gave her a baby and it was all over.


Well, I didn't _give_ her a baby, but...
Terry: So does anyone know how the Dow did today? [link]
Joe: It dropped like your father's pants.  
Mehlberg: Was it knee level or shin level?  
Terry: I managed to swallow that one down.  
Nolandda: ...Like so many before.  
Mehlberg: You gotta think before you open that mouth.  
Terry: They're just snowballing on me now.  
Joe: Why didn't we start Nemesis on Phase 4? "Nemesis, Phase 4: A New Hope!" [link]
Dulaney: So when can we get some penetration testing on our network? You know, like a playground? [link]
Joe: You need a playground for penetration testing? After all, your name IS Michael....  
Joe: I'm glad I've got tab completion for Terry.

"Blah blah blah"-<tab>-<tab>-<tab>-<tab>

Ah, yes, now I understand.
Terry: (responding to Joe Abbey's suggestion to hit David Lin) I don't think that would work out very well for me. [link]
Joe: Yeah, you'd make a billion enemies.  
Terry: Yeah, well, it's too bad I'm not a member of a respectable religion, one that has glory days such as, oh I don't know, the Inquisition...? [link]
Joe: Ah Crusades.... They looked good on paper.  
Joe: That's what you should do. On the first date, you should take the girl to Wendy's and order off the $0.99 menu. [link]
Terry: Man, Wendy's is pretty good for a first date, but even better than that is Taco Bell. Bitches *love* the Taco Bell.  
Terry: PRAISE JESUS! [link]
Joe: Blasphemy!  
Terry: <blink> <blink> "Praise Jesus" is blasphemy?  
Joe: It is when you say it.  
Joe: How long does it take to get a firearm in this state? [link]
Nolandda: Well, it took /me/ awhile, but....  
Joe: Rosa Parks died?

I wonder if she had to ride at the back of the bus to heaven.
Joe: u r ~ 1337

(thats a logical not bitch!)

commas woulda helped

(that's a logical not, bitch!)

Ah punctuation, you're friend.

Joe: Can I just copy and paste everything I say?

Like ransom notes... only real-time.
Joe: I'm surprised they let you play reindeer games. [link]
Terry: My training in sheep games went well enough they let me upgrade to reindeer.  
Joe: You know, the Incredible Hulk is pretty dirty when you think about it. [link]
Jon C.: No, it's pretty dirty when YOU think about it.  
Joe: But she's not wearing pants! [link]
Brad: Yes she is!  
Joe: But they don't go up to her ass!  
Brad: Yes Joe, they're the GOOD kind of pants.  
Joe: Apparently the groundhog saw his shadow today: six more weeks of bullshit! [link]
Terry: You're using your wickedly-sharp pocketknife to pick up fruit? Let's play spot the Boy Scout. [link]
Rob K.: I've got my hands and pocketknife, who needs utensils?  
Joe: I don't think they teach you to stab fruit in the Boy Scouts.


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